its 5 am. I went to bed at 12am.. I haven’t had more then 4 consecutive hours of sleep in the last 3 days.. I’m about to beat the shit out of this cold I have. And I cant even call in or I lose my holiday pay :/ I hate my job.
But clearly I’m not over my broken heart. I went to his house tonight.. for day one of 3 days celebrating new years. It’s an annual thing. I walked in the house full of his family, I had a good friend of mine with me. I’ve never felt more alone in that house and unwanted in the strangest way. He gave me a hug like nothing ever happened.. Later I’m sitting there and he hands me a bottle of hard cider (My fav) and says “Merry Christmas”. I looked at him and I could hear it in my own voice, the venom I felt. I just looked at him and said “Really?”..
This is the kid that basically said he didn’t care about me. The kid who I gave up so much for. I was there for him through some rough shit that no one else was there for.
What makes you think that you can forget how you treated me and you can take back all the loving things you said to me while not even blinking an eye? And the next minute act like nothing happened and be happy to see me and give me a gift.
I don’t know how to act around him anymore. He broke my heart. That’s all there is to it. He took a piece of me and gave nothing in return. All of it was just a game to him. He tells me I’m, “looking way to deep into the past and worrying entirely too much.”
I thought I was over it for the most part but I’m not. I still cant understand why he would hurt me so much.
With all your sex posts.. I mean I get it you guys get it on.. but your all babies still! Stay young and innocent as long as you can, the world only gets harsher and less kind as the years go by and you get older. Trust me.
I kinda want to make this more of a personal blog..
But sometimes I’m lazy and don’t think I would write much and if I did I’m not sure anyone would really care. Not that the point of Tumblr is for followers and such but yea.. I think I wanna write more.. just a for warning guys, you might just see more text posts.. maybe if I’m not lazy about it.
Its called Dip-a-dick..
A tube filled with lube that you can dip your dick in.. no fuss no mess. I think I could make some money on this.. I asked a couple coworkers if they would buy this and most said yes.. both guys and girls
Now I bet your thinking.. wow what kind of place does this girl work where they talk about things like this “Dip-a-dick”?! Well my friends.. I wonder the same thing.. and I still cant figure it out. But it sure gives me some funny ideas to make my millions :P
All I know is If any of you steal this idea and patent it I want some credit, and cash lol..
Christmas Day my family and I visited my grandpa in a care home… we all sat around a table and spent time with him. It was a good moment for him I think. But while we were sitting there my uncle looks at my cousin (his daughter) with a smile on his face and I was watching him in that moment… he then turned to me and smiled saying “You know I have the most beautiful daughter” I almost cried. For several reasons.. but mainly because I’m not sure she realizes how lucky she is to have a father cherish her. I’d have killed for that.
I just responded “I knew you were going to say that”. I saw it all over his face, he was beaming with love for his daughter. It makes me even more angry at my own father, for realizing he missed out on loving me, sadly it was his choice and he passed it up…
Bleh.. I’m done, I was just thinking about that randomly and thought I’d share.
My 3 yr old niece wakes me up today and asks me to “play the ups and downs” Shes referring to the song “God gave me you” I start playing it on my lap top and she then starts singing it to me…. Thanks kid, you just made a song that made me sad into a song that reminds me of your beautiful little face singing to me.. Why? Cause God gave me you of course!